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Staying "positive" isn't avoiding your painful realities or challenging situations. Staying positive is a PRACTICE of staying connected to your inner resilience, capacity to forgive, and ability to ask for help.
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Found this thought provoking article (based on actually scientific research) about phrases most of use that are NOT in the best interest of our children. May we push ourselves more to understand those we raise and teach!
Parenting - Compliments that are hurtful The following is a first draft of an article I am working on.
To find life's answers, we need to look within our hearts (or subconscious). Because, the answers that come out of our mind highly contaminated by our perceived social obligations AND with the fears, anxieties, and pressures of meeting those perceived obligations. Very few people know what they actually want because they passively let society tell them what they should look like and how they should act. They let society tell them how a woman should look and act, how a man should look and act, how a parent should look and act, how a child should look and act, how a good employ should look and act, how a student should look and act, role after role after role. Well, you know what? Those society roles never asked US how WE want to live! Rarely do those preordained roles have anything in common with our heart’s true desires. So, in order to cultivate our true happiness, we need to learn how to be the people we want to be, not the people we think we should be. And, let me tell you, I am gay, I am transgender, I am also a person of color. I quit my lucrative full-time job, gave away the majority of my belongings, and have travelled the world, on and off the grid, for the past 4 years. On paper, it sounds like I have broken free from society’s roles and am living my own truth every day. On the outside, it looks like I’m not concerned about society’s expectations of me. But, the human habit of adhering to social obligations are SO powerful, I still have to work every day to make sure I’m making decisions from my heart, and not from my head. Because, even if you break out of a role, you can accidentally be pulled into another role instantaneously. For example, I have broken free from the roles of finding happiness by accumulating things and measuring my self worth by successes I have at my job. But, that just leads to more roles I'm tempted to fulfill. Like now, for me, it’s: how does a spiritual teacher look and act, how does an author look and act, how does a successful musician look and act? And, before I know it, I’m once again doing things that I think I SHOULD be doing to fulfill those new role, instead making all choices with the guidance of my heart. Because, at the end of the day, how should I look and act? Like me! I should look and act like me!!! We should all look and act like ourselves!!! But, we can’t know how we really look and act by following society’s pre-written descriptions for us. The only way to know how we look and act is to go inside our hearts and ask. Venturing into our hearts is a journey that takes commitment and dedication. But, 99% of the time, we find that we’ve already known the answers to all the questions we’ve ever asked (we are just too scared to admit it to ourselves). Do you know how to safely venture into your heart, ask the important questions, and hear your heart’s answer? Do you have the wisdom and courage to enact the suggestions you hear? If not, meditate. How can you, from where ever you are right now, help stop brutal acts of violence? Stay aware of all the GOOD that is happening in the world. Consume "healthy" news. Just how eating well keeps you energized and feeling good, "reading well" keeps you energized and feeling hopeful. When you feel hopeful, you'll do better work in your own life. When you do better work in your own life, you inspire others to do the same.
Good news here. How can YOU help change the mind of white supremacists? How can YOU help Barcelona? Look inside. Peace must always start within. Seek resolution with loved ones and friends NOW; admit you were wrong NOW; confront your anger and anxiety and seek therapy NOW; admit your frustration and ask for help NOW; start learning how to forgive NOW; practice compassion NOW. To neutralize anger and hatred in the world, we must first neutralize it in our own thoughts, words, and actions.
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Darren BartoloIntuitive Spiritual Advisor, Author, Musician Archives
January 2019
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